No one to turn to
by CokeFreak
Summary: *Finished*Harry story, suicide, abuse, swearing all the good stuff. Its Harry's 5th year at Hogwarts and he's not doing well after a difficult story. This is not a Snape talks to Harry, they get along well one, someone else is coming in to help Harry!
1. Pain

**__**

Hey… I don't own any of the characters in this fic. J.K.Rowling owns them though I really wish I did. This is a response to Kate the Great's challenge! Thanks soooo much to Anja for reading this fic and correcting it! Thank you so much! Please R/R and just a note, I'll keep posting chapters as I write them and they get beta… I keep changing my story but its ok! 

The sun rose early that day, bringing with it warmth and signs for a nice fall day. Most people were still asleep and unable to watch the sunrise. That is everyone except a 15-year-old boy who lived in the smallest bedroom in 4 Privet Drive in Surrey. The boy whose name was Harry Potter had been up for hours after having another nightmare. He was now watching the sunrise as he did most mornings. In the long nights he had completed all his homework, read his school books twice and had now just finished packing in an effort to stay awake. 

Harry Potter sat near the window thinking. He was still sweating from the nightmare he had, the nightmare that had been haunting him all summer. He closed his eyes trying not to think about it but even in the daytime he was haunted by it and he saw it in his mind.
__

"Did anyone tell you the Cup was a Portkey?" Cedric asked him.

"Nope," He looked around the graveyard, "Is this supposed to be part of the Task?"

"I dunno. Wands out you reckon?" Cedric said taking out his own wand.

"Someone's coming." 

His scar exploded in pain, he fell to the ground holding his head as though to try and keep it together.

"Kill the spare!"

"Avada Kedavra!"

Harry opened his eyes but could still see Cedric Diggory; the other Hogwarts Triwizard champion lying spread-eagled on the ground dead. _Why did he come along, I should have gone by myself. He shouldn't have died; he had no idea what was going on. He didn't deserve death. Voldemort had wanted him, not Cedric. It was a mistake taking the Cup with him. I should have taken it myself. _

He stopped thinking as he heard his uncle snore in the room near his. That was another problem, his uncle. Harry had stopped sleeping because of the nightmares but more important he usually woke up screaming and holding his scar. His uncle always woke up when he started to scream and he was always punished for it. Uncle Vernon had made it very clear early on in the summer that he would not have his sleep disturbed by his nephew. Harry moved slightly, wincing in pain. He didn't know half the things that had been done to him but he was sure that at least a few of his ribs were bruised, his left hand and his right wrist were damaged. His back was the worst though; he had examined himself in the mirror once and saw dozens of belt welts. His back was a constant reminder of what had happened to him and hurt constantly. Uncle Vernon had never hit him near his face for he knew that someone would see them so he targeted those areas that his clothes hid. Harry usually woke up as the beating started and then fell unconscious before they ended. Three of Dudley's old shirts were ruined as they were covered in his blood and were torn from the belt. As he looked out the window he could hear his Uncle's voice in his head. 

"You son of a bitch, waking up my family… is that the thanks we get for raising your sorry ass? We would have had a better life if you hadn't been dropped on our doorstep. You are nothing and will never get anywhere in your life. You are worthless and a burden on everyone!"

He had been living with the Dursleys for 14 years now and he had been told that so many times. He had always tried to ignore it but he couldn't seem to this time… _you are worthless… a burden on everyone…_did Uncle Vernon have a point? He shook his head of course not. No he wasn't… he wasn't a burden. He heard the Dursleys stir and decided he'd better go and get breakfast started if he wanted Uncle Vernon to drive him to the station this morning. 

Three hours later he was sitting in the backseat of the Dursley's car to go to Kings Cross. Uncle Vernon was muttering how worthless he was and a burden on him but Harry tried not to listen. He couldn't listen, its all lies. But then Uncle Vernon was going out of his way to bring Harry to the train station. He would be at work already if he didn't have to drop him off. Harry sighed as he watched the other cars go by him, maybe things would be better at Hogwarts. He always felt better at the castle but then it was there that everything happened. The car stopped and Harry saw they were at the train station. He got out and got his stuff and without another word Uncle Vernon drove off fast. He got a cart and pushed his stuff to the Platform. It was hard work, his trunk was heavy and he was having a hard time breathing. He had to stop a few times to get his breath and by the time he got to the Platform he had 15 minutes before the train left. He went through the barrier fine and on the other side three redheads who had been watching the barrier waiting for him at once surrounded him.

"Harry! We've been waiting for you!" Ron Weasley exclaimed. Ron was his best friend and they hadn't talked since they got off the train the year before.

"I noticed," Harry said trying not to wince as Ron slapped him on the back.

"Hello Harry," Fred Weasley said grinning.

"Hey Fred, George," said Harry.

"Did you have a good summer?" asked George.

"It was okay," Harry replied.

"We had a very productive summer thanks to someone who shall remain nameless," Fred said and he gave Harry a small wink.

"Who gave you that money?" Ron asked but the twins didn't say anything. Harry pretended to look confused and Ron saw this, "Some idiot gave them gold to start their jokeshop and they won't say who."

"Can we take your things Harry?" Fred asked and before Harry could say anything they took it away and put it in a compartment. 

"What's with them?" Harry grinned; it was something he had not done in a while. He walked with Ron to where Mrs. Weasley was standing. 

"Hello dear," she pulled Harry into a tight hug and Harry tried not to show he was in a lot of pain. "I'm so sorry you couldn't come to stay with us over the summer. Dumbledore said you were safe at the Dursleys."

"It's alright Mrs. Weasley," Harry managed to say.

She released him and looked at him, "Have you been sleeping?"

"Yeah," he lied knowing that she was looking at the circles under his eyes.

"And eating?" She looked concerned.

"I eat everyday," he lied again.

Thankfully the whistles blew and Harry had an excuse to get away. Harry followed Ron into the compartment he had chosen. Inside sitting with a book, "O.W.Ls everything you need to know to pass!" in her lap was Hermione.

She looked up when they entered. "Harry!" she squealed and she got up and rushed to hug him. He held his breath as she hugged him, which was very painful. She let go and they all sat down. Harry tried to sit down normally but with his back hurting him it usually took him some time to sit down. Hurting all over he sat down trying not to show the pain to Ron and Hermione. Ron and Hermione talked about their summers. Harry was listening but he started to feel his eyes dropping. He pinched himself to stay awake but it didn't work. His eyes closed and he fell asleep…

__

"Did anyone tell you the Cup was a Portkey?" Cedric asked him.

"Nope," He looked around the graveyard, "Is this supposed to be part of the Task?"

"I dunno. Wants out you reckon?" Cedric said taking out his own wand.

"Someone's coming." 

His scar exploded in pain, he fell to the ground holding his head as though to try and keep it 

together.

"Kill the spare!"

"Avada Kedavra!" 

"Harry! Harry wake up! Wake up!" someone was shaking him. Harry slowly opened his eyes and saw a hand over his eyes. It was his own and it had been holding his scar. He removed it quickly and saw Ron and Hermione staring at him. He looked away quickly.

"What were you dreaming about?" Ron asked.

"Nothing."

"It was something," Ron told him.

"You were yelling and clutching your scar!" Hermione pointed out.

"Well, well if it isn't Potty, the mudblood and the redhair freak," a drawling voice said from the doorway. Malfoy stood there with his goons, Crabbe and Goyle. 

"Get out Malfoy," Harry snapped.

"I heard screaming, was it you Potty? Did something scare you?"

"Is there a problem Mr. Malfoy?" a new voice said from the doorway. Harry couldn't see who it was but he saw figures of two men.

Malfoy turned around and seemed to recognize the two men because his mouth opened and then closed quickly. He motioned to his goons and they left. The two men came into their compartment.

"Professor Lupin!" Ron and Hermione exclaimed.

"Professor?" the other man laughed. He was older and walked with a slight limp. 

"Its Remus now, I am no longer your teacher," Remus laughed and looked at the other man, "I 

wouldn't talk Fletch."

"Why are you here Remus?" Harry asked.

"We are just keeping an eye on things," Remus shrugged, "And I'm making sure your new Defense teacher gets to Hogwarts without killing himself or anyone else."

"Mundungus Fletcher at your service," he shook Harry's hand. "I was a good friend of your grandfathers. A wonderful man he was."

"What about my father?" Harry asked.

"I knew him too, he didn't have his priorities straight all the time though."  
  
"Fletch, you are just mad because Sirius and James turned your hair blue and put a sign on your back, "Kick me." As you were receiving your Order of Merlin First Class medal and everyone laughed," Remus smiled.

"Is Sirius here?" asked Harry.

"He'll be at Hogwarts in a week or two, he's just finishing business," Remus said and waved goodbye, "We have to go."

They were left alone again and for awhile Ron and Harry talked about Quidditch and the upcoming season. Hermione then lectured them about their O.W.Ls and by the time she was finished with that talk they were just about at Hogwarts and they had to change into their robes. 

When the train stopped they all got out and got into the carriages to take them up to school. Harry looked out the window and sat slightly forward in his seat so his back wouldn't touch the back of the seat. 

"Harry are you feeling alright?" Ron asked quietly.

"Yeah I feel fine," Harry assured him.

"You don't look well," Ron looked at Hermione and then back at Harry.

"Ron I'm fine, Dudley was still on his diet!" Harry lied.

"Oh," Ron sighed, "I didn't know that. I thought something else was going on."

The carriages stopped and everyone got out. They went up to the castle and Harry had a little difficulty going up the stairs. The pains in his legs were back but he tried not to show it. They went into the Great Hall and took their seats. Dumbledore watched them come in and he frowned at Harry. _Harry is even skinnier than last year. I wonder how he is doing after last term. By the looks of it not good,_ he thought.

After the Sorting Dumbledore got up, "Tuck in." He said and the feast began. Ron piled food on his plate and Harry looked at all of it suddenly feeling sick. The Dursleys had been feeding him cold soup, celery, bread and cheese. He took some small helpings of a few things and ate slowly. Before he had finished what was on his plate though he felt very full and he pushed his plate away. 

  
"Harry you need to eat," Hermione told him and put some food on his plate.

"Hermione I'm full," he told her. He could feel eyes on him and he looked up at the Teacher's Table where Dumbledore had stopped eating and was looking at him. He quickly looked down. 

"Hermione! I'm full!" He snapped as Hermione started to push his plate towards him again.

Everyone around him stopped eating. Hermione looked down at her own plate and did not look up. Ron had a piece of meat half way to his mouth, which he seemed to have forgotten about as he stared at them. 

"What's the password?" He asked Hermione without looking up. He knew that she had been made a Prefect.

"Phoenix." 

He got up and left sick of the silence. He walked up to Gryffindor Tower alone and deep in thought. He had been at school for less than an hour and it was starting off so well. What made him snap like that? He had never done that before and Hermione was always bugging him about something. As he had been deep in thought he had forgotten about the pain but as he made his way up one set of stairs it came back to him. He had to go up a stair at a time and he had to keep taking breaks because he was still having problems breathing. He couldn't hold on to anything as both his hands hurt. He scowled and kept going wishing the pain would just go away. Finally he got up to Gryffindor Tower and he wearily said the password. He went to sit by the fire and sat down very weary. 

__

"a burden on hard working decent relatives."

"worthless."

"son of a bitch."

"He's dead! Cedric Diggory! Dead!"

"Kill the spare!"

"That is the last time you wake me up boy! You pathetic excuse for a human being."

"Crucio!" __

"All my fault."

"Harry?"

Harry's head snapped up. He had been looking into the fire so lost in his thoughts. It was Ron.

"Its time for bed," Ron told him. "Everyone else is already in the dorms."

"Right," Harry got up and followed Ron into their dorm. They got ready for bed silently. Harry got into his four poster bed. He laid down and at once wished he hadn't. The pain in his back was still very much there and it hurt him to lay on it. He laid on his side for awhile but when he felt sleep coming on him he got up and went down into the common room. He couldn't sleep, if he did and had a nightmare he was sure he would wake up everyone in the dorm. He sat down in the chair again. _He wished he could talk to someone, he needed to talk to someone but whom? Who would understand? Sirius would get angry, Ron and Hermione wouldn't understand. Remus would tell Sirius and Dumbledore… no he had too much on his mind already. He knew whom he thought would understand but he didn't to say it. Two people would understand, and they would listen and not pity him… his parents. He was sure they would understand, everyone else would just shake their head and think less of the Boy-Who-Lived. He would do anything to be with them, to talk to them. He sighed and then coughed. Talking to his parents would be great but right now being able to breathe properly would be a lot better. Wait… I'm back at school, I can do magic. He could heal himself and then no one would have to know. He could heal himself and it would be simple and painless, it would be one charm._ He smiled_, I'll do it tomorrow_. He spent the rest of the night curled up by the fire.


	2. Healing Charms and dreams

**__**

Hey… I don't own any of the characters in this fic. J.K.Rowling owns them though I really wish I did. This is a response to Kate the Great's challenge! Thanks soooo much to Anja for reading this fic and correcting it! Thank you so much! Please R/R and just a note, I'll keep posting chapters as I write them and they get beta… I keep changing my story but its ok!

Harry sat there all night thinking about everything. He had intended to stay awake the entire night but he woke up to someone shaking his shoulder roughly.

"Ouch!" he opened his eyes. Ron was standing over him with his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Are you trying to shake me to death?"

"I've been trying for 20 minutes to wake you up," Ron told him. "Why are you out here?"

"Couldn't sleep," Harry shrugged and got up. He went to shower and change. 

They went down to the Great Hall a half an hour later. Hermione was already down in the Great Hall reading and eating. 

"What do we have today?" Ron asked out loud as he picked up his schedule. "Defense Against the Dark Arts… nice."

"And then Transfiguration," Harry sighed and closed his eyes.

"Anything wrong?"  
  
"Nothing. I'll meet you in class," Harry promised and picked up a piece of toast. He walked as quickly as he could to the library and found the section for healing charms. He sat down to read. A half an hour later the bell rang and putting the book back he left. He had realized that healing was hard but he had to do it. He went to Defense Against the Dark Arts and took his seat next to Ron.

Mundungus Fletcher walked in right after Harry had sat down and he looked at the class. He walked over to his desk and put down a book. "I am Professor Mundungus Fletcher. I was a retired Auror but with Voldemort back it seems I'm back in the business. I am here to teach you everything you need to know about dealing with Voldemort and his Death Eaters." He looked around the class again. "Dueling is one of the most important things I will be teaching you this year. I will be teaching you all different curses and counter curses and other things." Fletcher talked for the rest of the period about dueling and they all made notes on it. As the bell rung he put up a hand, "Next class I will call you up one by one and you will be dueling me. I would study and try and hit me with some interesting curses."

The class left very excited.

"He's cool!" Dean exclaimed.

"He reminds me of Moody!" Seamus put in.

"We have to duel him? We will all be stunned in 5 seconds!" Neville said in a panicky voice.

"I think he's a little nuts," Ron said looking back but he wasn't around, "ever since You-Know-

Who fell last time he's been getting in trouble with the Ministry."

**

They went to Transfiguration next where McGonagall greeted them with a lecture about their O.W.L.s.

"Your O.W.L.s are at the end of this year and are very important. I should not have to tell you that this year is a very important year in your schooling and you need to do well on these tests. They will cover everything you have learned so far at Hogwarts. Do not start studying a week or two before the exams, that will not cut it." She stopped and looked around the room, "Mr. Potter are you listening to me?"

Harry who had been thinking about the healing charms and had not heard anything that 

McGonagall had said, "I might have missed one or two words Professor." He said not caring that he had been caught not paying attention. "5 points from Gryffindor Mr. Potter for not paying attention." She said and after looking at him for another second she looked down at her notes and continued class.

The rest of the class passed without incident. Harry was still unable to fully transfigure what they were working on, transfiguring a book to a shoebox. One of the many reasons for not being able to do it was probably he couldn't hold his wand up, it was his right hand that he thought had the sprained or maybe broken wrist. He tried not to notice it but it was a constant sharp pain in his hand. 

That night he sat by the windowsill looking out. He had intended to stay awake all night but around midnight his eyelids started to droop. He fell asleep and slept peacefully for a few hours but then a dream started and he tried to wake up but he couldn't.

__

He saw a tall figure in black robes comes into his dream and he stood over another person who was on the ground shaking.

"Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!" The figure in black yelled and the person on the ground started to twitch and yell loudly. The figure did not move and did not say anything else it just watched its victim screaming for help.

"Help… help," the victim yelled along with its endless screams in terror and in pain. The person on the ground was moving all around, he could see black hair, and glasses and those scarlet Quidditch robes? The figure stopped twitching and in his dream Harry could see its eyes… green just like his. It was him, he was watching himself being tortured.

"STOP!" He woke up. His head shot up and his back hit the stone wall, "Ouch!" He hissed in pain and then looked around, he was still on the ground next to the window, and he was safe now.

"Alright there Harry?" Seamus yawned. He had woken up when Harry yelled.

"I'm fine Seamus, go back to sleep," Harry reassured his roommate.

"Why aren't you in bed?" Seamus asked rubbing his eyes and seeing Harry on the ground.

"I couldn't sleep," he lied quickly. 

"Good night Harry," Seamus yawned and turned over.

"Night Seamus," Harry whispered. He looked out the window again, he had to be careful, he couldn't wake up the other boys in his dorm again, they would tell someone and that was the last thing Harry wanted. What about his dream though, why had he seen himself being tortured? Who was the person in the black robes? Was it Voldemort? His scar didn't hurt so he wasn't sure. Did it mean anything?

When the sun rose a few hours later Harry was sitting there watching it, still deep in thought. Harry got up before everyone else and showered quickly. In the shower he had to bite his tongue, the welts on his back did not go well with water. He washed his hair quickly and got out. He back still hurting from the summer now was a bit stiff from leaning against a stone wall all night. He should have stayed in the common room at least there it was a bit more comfortable.

They had Care of Magical Creatures that day and lucky enough for them Hagrid had gotten back into the country the day before and had brought them another beast.

"The Dugbog," Hagrid exclaimed and in a glass box was a creature that looked like a piece of dead wood and not that harmful looking. 'They live in the mashes, and yeh see here their teeth is very sharp. It feeds on animals mostly but there have been a few cases of wizards getting their ankles bitten."  
  
"I hope we don't have to raise these creatures," Ron whispered to Harry and he just nodded.

Hagrid surprisingly did not suggest that they raise them, pick it up, feed it or take it for a walk. They all had their chance to examine it though and take notes on it. 

"I guess that is what you call a normal Care of Magical Creatures," Ron said happily as they went back up to the castle.

Walking back to school Harry tried to keep up with the other two but they were walking very fast. His leg hurt even more with every step and his breathing was still bad. By the time they got to their next class Charms, he was in a bad mood and all he really felt like doing was passing out. He needed to do those healing charms on himself; he didn't know how much longer he could last.

They were working in pairs for this charm and Ron and Hermione were put together leaving him with Seamus. 

"Harry are you okay after last night?" Seamus asked concerned.

"I'm fine Seamus," Harry did not meet his eye as he answered but read the section on the charm.

"I heard you yell," Seamus went on, "did you have a bad dream?"

"SEAMUS! I'm FINE!" Harry yelled. The class stopped talking and stared at the pair. 

"Is there a problem Mr. Potter?" tiny Professor Flitwick asked.

"No Professor," Harry grabbed his bag, "there is no problem." He left the classroom unable to stay with everyone looking at him and he not feeling well.

He went straight to the library and went to the healing charm section. He had to do those charms as soon as possible so he didn't want to waste any more time. He spent the rest of the afternoon in the library reading about the charms.

Around dinner Ron and Hermione came in, they seemed to be looking for Harry.

"He wouldn't be in here Hermione," Ron argued, "this is the library. Harry doesn't come in here."

"Its worth looking," Hermione shot back, "have you seen him in all the other places we looked?"

"We should have checked the map," Ron said. They walked along the lines of tables and bookcases. "Harry!"

Harry who had been reading the book, "Healing for Beginners" did not hear Ron and Hermione arguing and when he heard his name he shoved the book under the table. "Yes?"

"You're in the library," Ron gasped.

"I was studying," he responded quickly.

"Why?" Ron asked.

"Because Harry wants to get good grades unlike someone," Hermione looked at Ron.

"I want to get good grades," Ron argued, "I just don't think spending all my time in the library is a good time."

"You missed lunch," Hermione told Harry matter of fact.

"I wasn't hungry," said Harry.

"And you walked out in Charms," Hermione told him. "Is there something going on?"

"Everything is fine," Harry assured her. 

"Right well its dinner time," she told him not convinced that was telling the truth, "are you coming?"

"I'm not really hungry," Harry shook his head.

"Skipping two meals is not very healthy," Hermione went over to him and took his arm to pull him up.

"Oww! Leave me alone!" Harry yelled wincing in pain.

"What did you do to him?" Ron asked.

"Harry what is going on?" Hermione said now a little scared.

"NOTHING! Nothing is wrong! Just leave me alone," Harry grabbed the books that were around him and picked them up, "And don't touch me again!" He walked out of the library.

Harry spent most of the rest of the week in the library working. On Friday after dinner he was in his dorm alone and he was about ready to perform the charm. The book said to point his wand at the body part that he wanted to heal and say the words. Harry did this about 10 times and felt very drained from it. He put on his pajamas and without thinking about nightmares or anything he laid down in his bed without any pain in a very long time. He smiled and fell asleep.

__

"You son of a bitch! You worthless piece of crap!" Uncle Vernon's belt hit his back again and again each time more painful. "I told you I would not have you disturbing my sleep! You ungrateful bastard! You lay around all day, you don't complete your chores and when I want to sleep after a long hard day of work I can't because you are screaming like a girl in your sleep! I'll teach you to scream!" Uncle Vernon's leg connected with his ribs and Harry gasped for breath. 

"Stop… it-won't…" Harry was cut off when the belt hit his back again, "AHHHH!"

"Stop your screaming you stupid boy!" Uncle Vernon picked him up easily and threw him against the wall. He hit it and fell like a broken doll. He didn't move, he couldn't feel any part of him.

"Stop… it won't happen again… please," Harry thrashed around in his bed, "No… don't. I didn't mean to… I swear everything will be finished tomorrow. Please… AHHHHHHHH!"

Ron, Seamus, Dean, Neville, Professor Fletcher, and Snuffles stood around his bed all watching him. They jumped a little when he yelled and Ron rushed forward to try and wake him up.

Dean, Seamus and Neville looked in horror at their friend who was thrashing around and whimpering in pain. 

"Boys, go down to your common room," Fletcher told them.

"But Snuffles," Ron protested. He looked down at the dog.

Snuffles gave a bark and nodded. Ron took this for a yes. With the other boys gone Sirius turned back into himself.

They turned back to Harry.

"Stop… I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I was so tired, it won't happen again… please… NO!" 

Fletcher turned away and with a heavy sigh went up to Harry's bed. "Harry, my boy wake up."

"Wake up Harry," Sirius joined him.

__

"Stay away from-me! I didn't do anything! I didn't say anything to him!" Harry still didn't wake up. "NOOO!" Harry woke up and quickly turned and sat up. He was breathing heavily and did not notice the onlookers at first.

"Harry!" Sirius said.

Harry gulped and looked into their faces, first Fletcher, then Ron and lastly Sirius. He backed up against his pillow, sweating and breathing heavily from the dream.

"What were you dreaming about?" Fletcher asked.

"What-what are you doing here?" asked Harry looking wildly around at the three of them.

"Ron came and told me that you were yelling in your sleep," Sirius explained, "and that he couldn't wake you."

"How long have you been here?" he asked still looking at them.

"For about 10 minutes," said Sirius. 

"Oh shit," Harry whispered.

"Would you care to explain that dream Harry?" Fletcher asked.

"I don't remember dreaming," Harry told them.

"I can tell by the way you are acting right now that you do remember your dream, do not lie to me," Sirius told him sternly.

"I'm not lying," Harry looked him right in the eye, "I usually forget my dreams if I don't write them down as soon as I wake up."

"You would tell me if something was wrong right?" Sirius asked him. "I would understand."

Harry gulped and wiped his forehead, "Yeah of course I would."

"Then try and get some sleep Harry," Sirius told him. "I hope you don't have that dream again."

They left. Harry got his sheets off the floor and threw them back onto his bed. He pulled his hanging around him as Dean, Seamus and Neville came back into the dorm. Harry lay on his bed but he didn't go back to sleep. _Shit, he couldn't sleep anymore, what if they guessed? What if they found out the truth? He put his head in his hands, they wouldn't understand, Sirius was wrong, he wouldn't understand. No one does, no one could._

  
Since the next day was Saturday and he didn't have classes to go to he spent the day in his dorm. The other boys had tried to get him to come out but he didn't respond to any of them. He didn't want to speak to any of them after what they witnessed the night before nor anyone else in the House. Some of the Gryffindors had heard yelling but the 4 other boys in his dorm shrugged their shoulders and pretended not to know what happened. The only other person who knew was Hermione because Ron had told her before most people were up. 

That day he tried to read some of his schoolbooks but he couldn't, voices and thoughts kept coming into his mind disturbing him from reading. He relived most of the summer in his mind.

"I'll teach you to let freaks try and kill my son!" Uncle Vernon yelled right in his face. "And for destroying our living room! What if the neighbors had seen them? Dudley wouldn't eat anything for a week he was so scared of finding anymore of those freak's food! He could have starved to death! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? Your cousin will turn out to be a fine man one day unlike you! You should appreciate him and try and be more like him! You are so ungrateful, you let those freaks come into my house, destroy it and almost kill my son! __

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN"T FINISH THE CHORES? WHAT WERE YOU DOING LAYING AROUND ALL DAY?" 

"YOU ARE NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL, JUST LIKE YOUR PARENTS!" Uncle Vernon yelled at him. "I met your father once, he thought he was the best. Insulting our house, telling stories about his house being a mansion! He was always playing a joke on someone, him and those two freak friends of his! They amounted to nothing! And then they get killed and leave you with us! Too bad you didn't get killed along with them!"

  
Harry wiped his eye, he didn't want to cry but all the memories came back to him. He had cried many times during the summer, he had never felt so lost and so alone. _Why was all this happening to him? He didn't want any of it, he just wanted to be normal, to live like everyone else. To have a family who loved and cared about him… why couldn't he have that?_

He stayed in his room for the rest of the weekend. He didn't come out for meals because he wasn't hungry but Ron always brought him back food. He never ate it. He knew he had to go to classes on Monday because if he didn't the teachers would ask where he was and Dumbledore would try and make him talk about it. He went to his classes that week but everyone noticed that he was in a bad mood, but he didn't snap at anyone or talk back to anyone. He stayed silent and did his work without drawing attention to himself.

He was leaving Transfiguration class when McGonagall motioned him over, "Mr. Potter, the Headmaster would like to see you after dinner in his office."

Harry nodded wondering if Dumbledore had found something out.

After dinner and after only eating a little bit of food he went to Dumbledore's office. He got to the gargoyle and remembered he didn't know the new password, "Er, Fizzing Wizabees? Er…"

"Chocolate Frogs," McGonagall's voice said to the gargoyle from behind Harry. He looked at her wondering why she was here. "Come on Potter." Harry followed her up the stairs and at the door she knocked. Dumbledore opened it for them and told them to come in. 

"Harry!" Sirius Black his godfather pulled Harry into a tight hug as he came through the door. 

"Ouch!" Harry yelled as he was being hugged. He frowned; the charms must be wearing off.

"Did I hurt you?" Sirius let go of him right away.

"No I'm fine," Harry said quickly. 

"Fine Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore sat down and motioned for Harry to but he didn't. Harry did come closer and stood near his desk. "I've asked you to come today because I have a few things I'd like to discuss with you."  
  
"Then why are they here?" Harry asked quietly looking at Professor McGonagall and Sirius.

"Well because Professor McGonagall is your Head of House this concerns her and because Sirius is your godfather he has the right to know," Dumbledore told him, "Your friends have been to see me and they are very worried about you."

"Why? What's going on?" Harry asked confused. He hadn't spoken this much in about a week. He tried to act normally in front of them but it was difficult.

"You are the only one who knows that answer," Dumbledore told him. "I hope you will not be mad at them or myself but we have been watching you very carefully since term started."

"Why?"

"Ms. Granger told us about your dream on the train and how sick you looked. Also you have been spending a lot of time in the library and since you are more like your father than your mother that is very unusual." Dumbledore told him.

"I have my O.W.L.s this year and I need to do well," replied Harry.

"It's the second week of school," Dumbledore said his eyes did not sparkle like usual.

"I want to do well?" Harry said, as this was obvious.

"Healing charms is not on the exam."

"With Voldemort risen I thought I should be prepared," said Harry.

"Curses would be better Potter," McGonagall told him; "leave the healing to the mediwizards."

"And the boys in your dorm have told me that they have been woken up by your yelling and sometimes when they wake in the middle of the night you are sitting by the windowsill or not in your dorm," Dumbledore continued. "And that dream the other night?"

"I don't see where you are going with this," Harry grinned weakly, "I have homework to do." He turned to leave.

"One minute Harry. I did not give you leave to go," Dumbledore called Harry back. "Why don't I get to the point of this meeting. Finite Incantatem." He waved his wand and it hit Harry in the back.

Harry felt a strange sensation come over him. A pain shot up in left leg and he almost fell over. He reached out and caught the desk with his left hand and yelled in pain, his hand couldn't hold on to the desk it hurt too much. A pain shot up in his thigh and ankle in his right leg and he fell on his knees. His stomach felt empty and with his right hand he put it to his stomach and he could feel his ribs. He started to struggle for breath as he felt all the air escape his lungs. His back left like it had been stabbed and hit a million times. He put his hand behind him and felt blood. He couldn't deal with it; the pain was too much for him. Everyone and everything in the room was spinning, he was still struggling to breathe, "Stop." He whispered but the 3 adults heard what he said, "Help." He fell and landed on his side unconscious.

Sirius rushed forward as he fell, "What happened to him? WHAT DID YOU DO?" He looked at 

Harry and then at Dumbledore who looked sternly down at Harry.

"I took off the charms he put on himself," Dumbledore said. "He tried to heal himself without realizing how hard it is to do healing charms and how many years of practice it takes to do it properly." He waved his wand, "Moblicorpus." He motioned the other two to follow him and Sirius came out of the office as a dog. Dumbledore followed the floating form of Harry to the hospital wing where Madam Pomfrey was waiting for him. He had warned her that he might be bringing someone by later and to be prepared with her strongest healing potions. As he walked in she gasped at the sight in front of him. He put Harry on the bed.

"Let's see how much damage there is," he said grimly. Madam Pomfrey removed his robes and then his uniform shirt. With his chest bare the 3 adults and dog looked in horror at the boy whose back and chest were one big bruise. His arms and neck were also bruised.

"What happened to him?" Professor McGonagall asked horrified.

"Only Harry knows that," Dumbledore replied. "I have my ideas but I will wait until he confirms my thoughts. I did not expect it to be this bad though."

**

Harry woke up some time later very confused. He looked around; his glasses were next to him. He reached out to get them but he couldn't move his arms. He tried to move his head and he could do that. He tried to move his legs but they wouldn't do that either.

"I'm sorry Harry that you are unable to move," Dumbledore sat next to him and he put Harry's glasses on his face. Harry looked around him, everything was white and he was in a bed with white sheets. He was in the hospital wing.

"Why can't I move?" Harry asked and tried again incase the spell had been removed. He looked down at himself; he had bandages on his chest and arms. A sheet covered his lower body so he couldn't see what was bandaged on his legs.

"It is best when recovering from broken bones, bruised ribs and welts on your back that you don't move so that everything can heal more quickly."

Harry turned his head away refusing to look at the Headmaster; "I want to leave!"

"That is not an option right now," Dumbledore said calmly. "What I did was for your own good, and now you will have a chance to heal properly."

"You have no right to keep me here!" said Harry.

"I am Headmaster of this school," Dumbledore got up and went on the other side of the bed where Harry was looking, "I do have the right to keep you here if you are injured. And I also have the right to know how it happened."

"Screw you!" Harry told him, "I don't need to tell you anything." He yelled and started to cough. Dumbledore watched him as he struggled to breathe.

"Don't get too excited or yell," Dumbledore told him as he went to his seat. "Madam Pomfrey bandaged your ribs very tightly so that they would heal and you slightly punctured one of your lungs. You will it difficult to breathe for another day or two."

There was silence for a few minutes, Dumbledore watched Harry and played with his thumbs, as Harry just lay there unable to do anything. He slowed down his breathing so that it was normal again.

"Harry what happened?" Dumbledore asked again but this time Harry didn't say anything, he closed his eyes and refused to speak to the Headmaster. He fell asleep shortly after.

He woke up later to find Dumbledore gone but Fletcher sitting in the chair next to the bed. He had been reading but out of the corner of his eye he saw Harry wake up.

"What is this let's watch the Boy-Who-Live suffer?" Harry snapped.

"Dumbledore didn't want you waking up and no one being here," Fletcher explained. "He wants to show you that we do care and want to help."

"Well maybe I don't want any help."

"Maybe you need help Mr. Potter and you will get it if you like it or not," Dumbledore walked in and came over to his bed.

Harry shot him an angry look. 

"I must apologize for earlier, I never got the chance to explain why I took away all your healing charms and you felt more pain than you had before. You see wizards should never mess around with healing charms. It takes years to learn how to do them properly, you have to have an understanding of the body and most important the part that you are trying to heal. Healing charms not done properly will result in them fading and the pain lasting much longer than necessary I could have waited a week for them to all fade but I'm sure you would have put them back on." Dumbledore explained. "You numbed all the cuts and bruises on your body, you did not heal them. Under your healing charms, your body was not getting better, it was getting worse."

"So you decided to put me through a hell of a lot of pain instead? Thanks a lot," Harry yelled at the Headmaster.

"I was not the one who decided to try and heal themselves. I know better than to mess around with those charms," Dumbledore told him gently. "I would have told someone and let a nurse deal with them."

"I want to get out of here!" Harry said frustrated.

"No," Dumbledore was suddenly stern. "You will remain here for 2 days and give your body time to heal and get your weight back up. Madam Pomfrey has informed me that you are not even a 100 pounds and that is very unhealthy for you at 15." He nodded at Harry and Fletcher and wished them a good day and then left. Harry scowled as he left.

"He's looking out for your best interest," Fletcher told Harry.

"Do me a favor and shut up," Harry told Fletcher and looked away. 

The next two days were horrible for Harry. He would often fall asleep and would wake up from one of his nightmares with a teacher standing over him their eyes filled with tears. He hated it; he hated their looks of pity, of sadness and just having them being there. He wondered if they had anything better to do with their time. He knew they were there on Dumbledore's orders. He hated Dumbledore now; he hated him for putting him through this and for having everyone look after him. He hated everything about him and wished he could just be left alone.

When he was finally released he got up and almost fell over. He had no had control over his limbs for 3 days and hadn't walked for awhile. Whenever he needed to go to the bathroom, he would be carried so he wouldn't upset any of his bones and muscles that were trying to heal. He scowled as he left the hospital wing and wouldn't let Ron or Hermione help him. He walked up to Gryffindor Tower by himself with the other two behind him ready to catch him if he fell or to help him walk if he got tired. After saying the password he went up to his dorm and straightened things out. As it was after dinner he didn't have to worry about anything or be anywhere until the next day.

"How about a nap Harry?" Ron suggested, "You are probably tired."

  
"Want a book to read or anything Harry?" Hermione held one out for him. "Do you need anything?"  
  
"Yes I do want something," Harry said and threw up his arms, "You two to leave me alone!"

"Harry we are just trying to help," Hermione said gently.

"I don't need your help," Harry walked out and down to the common room. He went to sit by the fire as most people were sitting at the tables completing their homework. 

"Harry we made a list of the assignments you missed," Hermione said slowly and put a list down next to him on a small table. "The teachers will be expecting these assignments done."  
  
"Hermione I could care less what they want," Harry told her and looked into the fire ignoring his friends.

The next day they had Potion's first period. In Potions Harry had to deal with Malfoy which he wasn't too pleased about. Malfoy who had heard of Harry being in the hospital wing bothered him throughout the entire class.

"Hey Potter," he drawled on as they were cleaning up their supplies, "Heard you were in the hospital wing, did you get in a fight and your girlfriend wasn't there to protect you?"

"Shut up Malfoy," Harry said cleaning out his cauldron. He lifted it with a little difficulty. He had woken up that morning to find his breathing improved and the pain in his back just about gone. His legs were better and so were his hands. He was still very weak and very much underweight. "Malfoy, hearing you talk so early in the morning is not something I enjoy, its bad enough I have to see you."

"Potter," Snape barked from his desk. "Come here."

Putting down his cauldron and with a smirk from Malfoy he went up to Snape's desk. The bell rang at that moment and everyone packed up to leave. Snape though continued writing and ignored Harry. Harry looked back at Ron and Hermione who pointed outside the classroom and he nodded knowing they would be there waiting for him. 

Snape looked up and handed Harry a piece of parchment, "You are to memorize the ingredients for those Potions as punishment for missing my class the other day."  
  
"It wasn't my fault I missed it," Harry said looking at the list, which had about 5 Potions on it. "You should have Dumbledore recite the ingredients to you, it is his fault I wasn't in class."  
  
Snape ignored what he said and continued, "And for making refill most of Madam Pomfrey's healing potions I want an essay about the uses of the Potion the class made but you failed to make today."

"Oh goody, that made my day," Harry said sarcastically, "I made you do work."

"It is no one's fault but yours Potter for your stay in the hospital wing," Snape looked at him in the eye, "No one else but you would have been stupid enough to mess around with healing charms. You have the same stubbornness as your father Potter. Like him you are unable to admit defeat, to admit failure. And look where that got him."

"Why don't you just shut up about my Dad!" Harry yelled, "You are always going on about him, what are you jealous? Jealous that everyone liked him and he was better than you were or he actually had friends? You are so pathetic!"  
  
"50 points from Gryffindor Potter!" Snape hissed. "Get out of my sight before I make it 200 points and a week's detention."


	3. Trying to find peace

**__**

Hey! Here is the next chapter, sorry for the delay, junior year of highschool is leaving me no time to type… plenty of class time to write but homework is always getting in the way! Oh and another excuse, my computer totally died on me so I'm really sorry! I own nothing, its all J.K.Rowling, she owns Harry Potter and all its characters! Please R/R! Thanks to those who have reviewed!

Harry was sitting in the common room watching the fire. The list of Potions that Snape had given him was slowly burning in the fire. He watched the fire for several minutes.

"Hey Harry," the twins sat down on either side of him. They exchanged smiles and then looked at Harry.

"You feeling alright there?" George asked.

"Yeah I'm okay," Harry looked at them and nodded to assure them.

"Well that's good," Fred grinned, "we had a meeting and we voted for our new Captain."

"We picked you mate," George continued and he slapped Harry on the back.

"I don't want to be Captain," Harry told them. 

"Well you can sit back and enjoy being Captain and we will do the work," said Fred.

"Why don't you be Captain?" Harry asked them.

"We owe you one mate," Fred told him and they got up and left.

They had Defense Against the Dark Arts the next day and Fletcher was still having students come up and duel him. No one was lasting long, when Neville went up there he almost dropped his wand as the duel started. Hermione lasted the longest up there, but only because she knew all the counter curses to what he was throwing at her.

"Harry Potter," Fletcher called and Harry who had been looking at the floor looked up when he heard his name. "Harry come up and duel me."

Harry's face paled, "No."

"What do you mean no?" Fletcher came up to his desk, "I didn't ask you if you wanted to duel me, I'm telling you to."

"And I said no."

"Why not?" asked Fletcher. Harry didn't say anything. "Outside please."

Harry got up and followed Fletcher aware that all of the class was watching him astonished, he didn't care though. Fletcher closed the classroom door and faced Harry. "What is wrong with you?"

"There is nothing wrong with me," Harry snapped. "I just don't want to duel!" He turned to leave. Fletcher reached out to grab Harry. He got his wrist and Harry yelled in pain. Before Harry could pull his wrist out of Fletcher's grasp Fletcher saw some blood on his wrist and a cut. Surprised he let go of Harry. Harry stared at him for a second and bolted down the hall without looking back.

When the bell rang Fletcher made his way to Dumbledore's office. He said the password and went up. He was deep in thought and didn't even realize when he reached the door. He knocked and went in.

"Ah Mundungus," Dumbledore greeted him.

"Albus we have a problem," Fletcher said not seeing any point in not getting right to it. "Its about Harry."

"What about Mr. Potter?"

"He's trying to kill himself," said Fletcher. 

There was silence as Dumbledore was very shocked by this news. He shook his head confused, "What?"

"His wrists Albus. He's cut them!" Fletcher told him.

"Nonsense Mundungus," Albus waved a hand and laughed nervously.

"Albus I saw blood on his wrists, he yelled in pain when I touched his wrist," Fletcher protested.

"Fine. I will have a word with him," Albus told him.

"Good," Fletcher made for the door. "Oh Albus, do you know why Harry is reluctant to duel?"

Dumbledore stared at Fletcher, his faced paled a little bit, and, "Yes I do know why I ask you not to make him duel again."

"I didn't know," Fletcher shrugged.

"Not many do."

**

A few days later when Ron got up, he noticed that Harry was not in bed. After checking the common room, he heard the shower running and checking the other three beds he knew it was Harry showering. He got ready to take his own shower and walked into the bathroom. The water was still running in the first shower. Ron called to Harry saying "good morning" but there was no response, he probably couldn't hear with him with the water on. Ron was about to turn on the water for his shower but realized that Harry had been in there for awhile. Nothing against his friend but Harry took quick showers, this one had been going on for 20 minutes at least. 

"Harry?" Ron called. No answer, "Harry are you okay?" He felt silly asking that but shouted it once more. He looked down at the ground and saw something. It wasn't water, it was red. Ron bent down and put his hand through it, it looked like blood. Not caring what his friend was doing now Ron threw open the shower curtain. 

There on the ground in only his underwear was Harry. The blood had been coming through his wrists and a pocketknife was near his hand. His eyes were closed and his face very pale. Ron gasped and covered his mouth feeling the urge to throw up.

"Dean! Seamus!" he called. He was only in a bathrobe and he went to the door and yelled for them again.

Both boys had just been getting up and sleepily they came to the bathroom door. 

"Dean! Go get Professor McGonagall and tell her we need Dumbledore!" Ron ordered him. "Seamus go get Madam Pomfrey!"

"Why?" they asked together.

"Its Harry! GO!" Ron yelled.

Not looking back at Ron they grabbed bathrobes and ran out. 

Ron got a robe and put it on top of Harry. He didn't know what else to do. He slid down the side of the wall and waited looking at his friend.

**

Madam Pomfrey, Dumbledore, Fletcher and McGonagall all came in at the same time. Madam Pomfrey went right to Harry and checked his pulse. The three teachers stood by the door with heads bowed. Ron was still in the same position and seeing this Fletcher went over to him and knelt by him.

"Ron?" he asked gently.

"Why?" Ron asked and looked up at Dumbledore as though he didn't know Fletcher had called his name or was kneeling next to him.

"I don't know Mr. Weasley," Dumbledore said gently. 

"He's still alive, his pulse is weak though," Madam Pomfrey stood up, "He's lost a lot of blood."

"Mobilicorpus" She waved her wand and Harry rose in the air.

"Can we put his Invisibility Cloak on him or something?" Ron asked. "He'd kill someone if he knew that everyone in the common room saw him like this." He looked at his friend but had to turn away afraid and hurt to see him like this.

"Will you please get it Mr. Weasley?" Dumbledore offered him a hand to get up. Ron took it and pulled himself up. He went into the dorm and into his trunk. He found it easily and draped it over Harry.

"You are excused from class today Mr. Weasley," Dumbledore put a hand on his shoulder, "this has been a terrible ordeal for you."

"Can I sit by Harry?" asked Ron.

"Get something to eat and then yes you may," Dumbledore patted his shoulder and the teachers left.

**

Ron sat by Harry's bed all morning, Hermione sat by him. She had found out and refused to leave Ron alone. Dumbledore had come in about noon and insisted that they both go and eat something and if Harry woke up they would be called. They nodded and both left leaving him alone with Harry. He sat down in the seat Ron had been sitting in and waited.

After about 20 minutes of waiting, Harry started to stir.

"Harry?" Dumbledore asked. He watched the waking boy carefully.

"Huh?" the boy opened his eyes but shut them quickly not use to the light. He moved around a little bit before opening his eyes again.

"Harry its Professor Dumbledore," Dumbledore told him.

He opened his eyes again and felt his glasses being put on his face. He looked around the room, at his bed and at his hands, which had bandages on them. He made a face at his wrists and did not look at Dumbledore.

"Harry I would like an explanation," Dumbledore said as gently as he could. He felt a little angry at him for trying to kill himself.

Harry didn't speak, he continued not to meet Dumbledore's eyes.

"How long has this been going on for Harry?" Dumbledore sighed growing impatient. "I'll be back Mr. Potter."

Dumbledore left and Harry closed his eyes again.

About an half an hour later, a shaky Ron came in with Hermione. Harry rolled his eyes thinking about how this conversation was going to go. They approached his bed and Ron looked at him with questioning eyes. Harry expected the usual, hey mate how you are doing" but Ron spoke quietly, "Why Harry?"

Harry rolled his eyes but did not speak.

Hermione put a hand on Ron's shoulder to comfort him but looked at Harry, "Its okay Harry, you can talk to us."

Harry snorted but still did not speak. He didn't want to talk, no one would understand, they all thought they could but they didn't. He could see in Ron and Hermione's eyes that they didn't understand, why did they even bother?

Much to Harry's disgust they both pulled up chairs and sat down around his bed.

**

"I told you!" Fletcher stood in front of Dumbledore's desk and looked at the old wizard sitting behind it.

"I know, I know," Dumbledore sighed, "I didn't think Harry would be capable of something like this. He's Harry!"

"What has he been doing recently?"

"Last year was the Tournament, he was very shaken up by that. He saw Voldemort regain his body and everything, I thought he was over that," Albus sighed, "and of course this summer."

"Albus, that is very difficult for a 15 year old to understand and accept that in both cases it wasn't his fault!" Fletcher threw his arms up running out of patience with the Headmaster.

"Mundungus I may be a Headmaster but you know I'm not experienced in these sort of things," Albus said angrily, "books and research are my things. Being an Auror, not dealing with abuse cases and suicides."

"Who is experienced?" Fletcher asked and left leaving his last statement hanging.

**

It was mid afternoon and Ron and Hermione still sat around Harry's bed. He really wanted to leave and had been thinking of ways to get them out of here. Forget them leaving, he wanted to get out of here. He hated this room, everything was too white, and he hated being in one place for everyone to come and stare at him. 

"Is there anything you need Harry?" Hermione asked.

Harry cleared his throat and spoke for the first time in a few hours, "I was just thinking of studying Transfiguration but I don't have my books!"

Hermione jumped up, "I'll go get your Transfiguration book!" She left leaving Ron with Harry.

Harry waited about five minutes, "Ah shoot, I wanted to do Snape's assignment."

"I'll run up and get it Harry," Ron volunteered and he too left.

That was too easy, Harry decided. He got out of bed and not realizing he was in hospital issued pajamas he left the hospital wing and ran for it.

20 minutes later Ron and Hermione came back together. They looked around and both exclaimed, 

"Where's Harry?"

Madam Pomfrey came out of her office, "Where did Potter go?"

"We don't know!" Hermione put the books down, "He said he wanted to study so we got him his books."

"Go get Dumbledore," she instructed and left to go search for Harry.

They walked down the hall, "Hermione do you know where Dumbledore's office is?" Ron asked.

"Um no idea," she admitted.

They kept walking down the hall, they past a classroom and Ron looked in. He stopped seeing one of the twins, "Hey!"

The twin stopped and looked at them, "You rang little brother?"

"Where is Dumbledore's office?" Ron asked him.

"AH did little brother Ron get in trouble?" asked Fred with an evil grin.

"No I have to talk to him now!" Ron shot back.

"Two floors up, on the left, the entrance is the gargoyle!" Fred said and called as they left, "Password this week is Canary Creams!"

Following Fred's directions they found Dumbledore's office and said the password. Ron muttered, "madness." At the password and they went up the stairs.

They went in to find Fletcher talking with Dumbledore. Dumbledore looked surprised to see them, "Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger."

"Harry's gone!" Ron told him.

"What?" both Fletcher and Dumbledore stood up.

"He asked us to get him some books and when we got back he was gone!"

Dumbledore hung his head, "I didn't know he was capable of any of this!"

"We have to find him Professor!" Hermione begged.

Dumbledore nodded and opened his draw. He pulled out an old piece of parchment.

"That's-"

"The Marauder's Map," Hermione finished for Ron. They both went over to his desk to get a closer look.

"I trust you know how this works," Dumbledore gave it to Hermione. "I found it in Moody's room last year and I thought Harry might like it back, I forgot to give it to him though."

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," Hermione took out her wand and tapped the Map. In a few minutes, the Map of Hogwarts appeared in front of them and everyone leaned in close to find Harry.

"Look!" Ron pointed.

There inside the statue of the one eyed witch was Harry. He was not moving, and seemed to be just sitting there.

"Shall we go and get him?" Dumbledore suggested.

"Mischief Managed," Hermione wiped the map clean and they went to the statue.

**

Harry thought no one would look here. He said the word and went in. He wasn't trying to escape, he just wanted to be left alone. He didn't see a problem with that. In his mind, he could see the worried faces of Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore and Fletcher. He saw their faces, their eyes full of pity for him. He hated it, everyone was worried about him. He wished they would just leave him alone but they didn't, they didn't understand. 

He heard voices and looked at the back of the statue, someone was opening the statue. He got up and back away from the statue, he waited, maybe they didn't know the password and would just move on. He turned and ran though when he saw light. It was dark as he ran but he didn't care, he knew it was straight for awhile. He could hear the voices again, they were coming in. He keep running he didn't want them to find him, how did they find him? He looked back and slammed into something. He fell back landing painfully on the hard cold ground. What had hit him? He saw a great pair of eyes and then a tongue hit his face. Whatever it was, was now over him and happily licking his face.

"Sirius!" Harry groaned. 

The dog transformed into his godfather Sirius Black. "Harry what are you doing?"

"Harry! Harry!" a few people's voices rang out.

He looked back and tried to get up but Sirius feeling that something was going on picked him up and held on to him. 

Dumbledore, Fletcher, Ron and Hermione with their wands lit came down the passage a minute later.

"What are you doing in pajamas?" Sirius asked now able to see Harry clearly because of the wands.

"Harry? What are you doing down here?" Hermione asked.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked getting concerned.

"I would like an explanation," Dumbledore told him.

"Are you hurt? What explanation does Dumbledore want?" asked a confused Sirius.

Everyone was looking at him. He turned his head in all directions, "STOP IT!" He yelled. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" He bumped into Ron as he struggled to run off. He got past a stunned Dumbledore and Hermione as just as he missed Fletcher's arm, the other one came out of no where and grabbed him. 

"Not so fast," he held on with two hands now to his shoulders.

Harry struggled, "Let go of me! You have no right, let me go!" He yelled.

"Why are you in hospital pajamas?" Sirius asked.

"I don't have to answer to you!" Harry yelled.

"What is going on here?" Sirius going impatient yelled.

"Sirius please! Let us bring Mr. Potter back to the hospital wing and I will explain it all to you Sirius," Dumbledore said loudly.

Getting back to the hospital wing was no easy task. Fletcher had a good grab on Harry but he struggled, refused to move and tried to run away. He was determined not to go back to the hospital wing. Finally Sirius seeing Fletcher failing to control Harry he went over and grabbed him by the waist and put him over his shoulder.

"Let go!" Harry continued to struggled and he pounded on Sirius' back.

"Sorry Harry I don't know what's going on but you are going to give Fletcher a heart attack!" Sirius told him as he carried him.

They now went to the hospital wing without trouble. Back in the wing, Madam Pomfrey was relieved to see Harry. Sirius put him down on the bed and immendianity Harry rolled over and put his head under the pillows.

"Ron, Hermione, Fletcher could you please make sure Mr. Potter stays on the bed?" Dumbledore asked them. "I am going to explain to Sirius what is going on."

Sirius walked out as a dog and though Madam Pomfrey knew of his innocence, she was relieved when he left. She was still very wary of Sirius. 

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL HIM!" Harry yelled as Dumbledore was at the door.

"Why don't you inform him then Harry," Dumbledore suggested. Seeing that Dumbledore was delayed, Sirius walked back in not wanting to be alone in a corridor.

Harry rolled over, "Are you going to tell the school next?"

"Harry Potter!" Sirius said astonished that his godson would talk like that to Dumbledore.

"Sirius outside please," Dumbledore ignored Harry.

"SCREW YOU!" Harry yelled as Dumbledore turned to leave again. "Don't even bother coming back in here because I have NOTHING to say to you expect that I HATE YOU!"

  
Dumbledore didn't say anything about his last remark, he walked out with Sirius.

"Get the hell out of here all of you!" Harry yelled and he turned back over and stuck his head under the pillow.


	4. Enter Savior

**__**

Hey! Because of all those really good reviews, I'm going to post another chapter! Thank you sooo much everyone! I think I forgot to mention this last chapter but this is a response to Kate the Great's challenge! And um, one thing. Rest in peace Richard Harris, you will be missed! I don't own any of the chapters, J. K. Rowling does, what a lucky woman! Please r/r.

Harry was stuck in the hospital wing for the rest of the day. Ron and Hermione sat on either side of him and Harry couldn't move his legs. On Dumbledore's orders Madam Pomfrey had put a spell on Harry's legs so it felt like they were glued to the bed. As much as he struggled and pulled at them they wouldn't come undone. He didn't have his wand either; it was up in his dorm. He didn't talk to Ron or Hermione at all and they didn't speak to him, probably because they didn't know how he would react. 

When he was finally let out, not only Ron and Hermione but also Sirius who walked behind them as a dog escorted him back to Gryffindor Tower. He had taken the news very badly and even as a dog Harry could see his eyes full of pity and sadness. Harry hated it. 

That night Sirius slept right next to Harry's bed. He was determined not to let anything happen to him again. It annoyed Harry very much.

**

Three weeks later Sirius showed no signs of letting up. He followed Harry around everywhere and was very anxious when he went to take a shower or use the bathroom. He was sure Harry was going to do something to himself in the short amount of time that he wasn't next to him. Having Sirius sleep by his bed and waking at every sudden movement meant that Harry spent the whole night in his bed and woke up from nightmares often. He constantly would dream of Sirius but a new nightmare was to haunt him, it was the same one he had been having for a week straight and it was driving him nuts. He never talked to Sirius about it though he knew when Harry would dream because he would scream and wake up suddenly. 

Harry had just fallen asleep much to his dismay. It was about midnight and not being able to stay awake the nightmare started, it was a voice, and he didn't recognize it but he really didn't want to.

__

"Its all your fault. What do you think of that… murderer at the age of 14? You killed him. Who are you going to kill next? Who else will have to die because of you? You killed him, he would still be alive and living if it wasn't for you. You killed him, you killed him, you killed it."

Harry woke in the usual cold sweat breathing hard. He stepped over Sirius who judging by the snores had fallen asleep. He went over to the window and looked out. The air was cool on his face. He thought about the voice, _it was right, he had killed Cedric. He hadn't tried to save him; he just stood there as he died. He shouldn't have even been there, why did he ever suggest for both of them to take it? He looked around him at his 4 sleeping roommates and Snuffles by his bed, how many of them would have to die before the end. And Hermione? He didn't want to put them at danger. They didn't deserve that. As much as he hated them he would never want them to die. They didn't deserve that, no one deserved death. He knew they cared about him and worried about him. If he wasn't around though they wouldn't have to worry about him, they wouldn't have to fuss over him. He didn't want them to worry about him. If he wasn't around they wouldn't have to pity him. He had been thinking about this every since the summer. Well it didn't work once but if I try again…_ Harry grabbed a cloak and his wand and left. He opened the door carefully and only wide enough so he could slip through.

"Good bye," he whispered and left closing the door softly. 

He crossed the common room and opened the portrait. He picked up the speed and ran down the hallway and didn't respond when the Fat Lady asked where he was going. He ran for about 20 minutes up to the Astronomy Tower. He went up to the edge; even with his cloak on it was freezing. He looked down; he was up very far. He sighed, "I'm doing this for you guys. I hope you will be safe now." And he jumped. The air rushed all around him, he smiled, and it felt wonderful. It was like flying, he closed his eyes but opened them quickly. He was slowing down; he looked all around him. It felt like something was holding him up but not doing a very good job. He was stopping; he was near the ground. And then he dropped again, whatever it was had let go of him and he hit the ground painfully.

**

"Ohhhh," he put a hand to his head. Opening his eyes he looked around him, his glasses were on. "Argghh." He was back in the hospital wing.

"Harry?" Harry rolled over and sitting next to him was Sirius. Groaning he rolled back over so his back was the Sirius.

"Why Harry?" Sirius choked back tears. He had woken up just minutes after Harry had gone and in dog form he looked all over. He had been the one to find him on the ground outside. 

Harry didn't respond he closed his eyes to try and block Sirius out. He hated the sound of his voice right now; it was so full of pity for him. His eyes were probably staring down at him wondering where he went wrong and he was feeling a lot of guilt. 

He heard the door open and footsteps. He didn't want to look, he knew who it was. He tried to pretend to be asleep again but Sirius was talking to him and Sirius had informed him that Harry was awake. 

He heard the footsteps again and they were coming his way. He shifted a little and stuffed his head under the pillow. He felt hands trying to the pillow; he fought back by grabbing even more of it. He wasn't strong though and the pillow was ripped from his hands.

"This has to stop Harry," Dumbledore said throwing the pillow on the bed next to his.

"Screw you," Harry spat.

"Mr. Potter this will stop," Dumbledore told him. "I will personally make sure you are in your bed every night and unable to move unless this stops right now."

"Go away!" Harry yelled. "I hate you, I hate both of you!"

"Sirius please escort Mr. Potter up to his dorm and make sure he doesn't leave," Dumbledore said and turned and left.

"I'm not going with you," Harry crossed his arms over his chest.

"You want to stay in the hospital wing?" Sirius asked.

"No, I'd rather just not stay anywhere," said Harry.

For the second time Sirius bent over Harry and picked him up. "Its late Harry, you need some sleep."

"No, I just need to die." Harry whispered but Sirius heard him.

**

When he finished with Harry, Dumbledore went back up to his office. He went to the fireplace and not caring about the time threw some powder in and called, "Remus Lupin, Black Mansion."

Dumbledore waited a few minutes and then Remus Lupin appeared yawning. "What is it another attack?"

"I wish it was," Dumbledore replied grimly. "No, I need your help with Harry."

"Potter?" Remus yawned again.

  
"The very same," Dumbledore nodded. "I'm running out of options Remus, I need your help, you have to talk to him. You are the only one who knows anything about what he is going through."

"Dumbledore I can't," Remus shook his head. "What would I say?"

  
"Tell him what James told you!" Dumbledore insisted.

"I'll be around soon," Remus's face disappeared from the fireplace.

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, _if this didn't work, no it had to work, it had to, it was the only plan left._

**

The next morning just as the sun came up; Harry grabbed his broom, and walked carefully out of the dorm as to not wake Sirius. He shook his head thinking it was too easy. When he reached the common room he opened the door and flew out. He sped down the hall, down the stairs, down another hall and down a few more flights of stairs. He found himself in the Entrance Hall in record time and patting his broom he dismounted so he could open the doors. Outside he jumped back on his broom and sped off towards the Pitch. He turned this way and that way, he circled the stands and the goal posts, and he flew as high as he could and went into a major dive. The wind was all around him, it went up his robes and they were lifted up, his hair was pushed back by the wind, it felt wonderful. He pulled out of the dive inches from the ground. He flew casually catching his breath. He was about to go into another dive when he noticed he was not alone and being watched and someone was clapping. The person was sitting in the stands with a broom next to him. It was the last person Harry ever expected to see with a broom, Remus. Harry flew over to him.

"I didn't know you flew," Harry said nodding to the broom next to him.

"A talent lost in the years," Remus replied.

"When did you get in?"

"This morning, I heard the party was here," Remus commented.

"Right well I'm going to keep flying," Harry turned to go.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Remus asked picking up his broom.

Harry did mind but he shrugged and Remus mounted. They flew for a few minutes without talking. Harry wished he would leave but Remus didn't seem to take the hints that Harry wanted to be left alone. "How about a race?" He asked breaking the silence.

"A race? I'm on a Firebolt," Harry pointed out.

"I know," Remus smiled as he looked at it, "Scared of losing?"

"You are on!" Harry said.

Sirius ran down the hall as a dog, he had woken up to find Harry gone, he needed to find Dumbledore. He had searched his office, the Great Hall and now was sprinting up a 4th floor corridor when he saw the aged man standing by the window looking out. 

"Dumbledore!" Sirius changed back into a man and had to stop to catch his breath. 

"Harry's-gone."

Dumbledore turned to look at Sirius, "Look." He pointed out the window where Remus was catching up to Harry as they rounded the polls for the first time. 

"Come on Remus," Sirius shook his head and cheered on Remus. He wasn't thinking about the race though.  
**

Harry couldn't believe it when he looked back and Remus was catching up. Was something wrong with the Firebolt? He didn't think so he was going very fast now. Remus grinned as he came up level with the end of the Firebolt. Come on Firebolt…come on. Harry gained more speed and lapped the polls for the second and final lap. He looked to see Remus catching up again, what was going on? Was Remus cheating? And if he was how? Harry looped the polls opposite the finishing line and tried to gain more speed. He did but still Remus was close behind. Harry crossed the line as Remus crossed a second later.

Harry slowed down and turned to face Remus, "How did you do that? How could a Nimbus keep up with a Firebolt?"

"A few speed charms," Remus admitted shrugging his shoulders, "but mostly me asking my broom to go faster."

"You asked it to go faster?"  
  
"If you ask nicely it works," Remus smiled, "What? It always worked for me. Anyway I'm hungry lets go get something to eat." He got back on his broom and made for Hogsmeade. He had only gone a little bit when he turned back to Harry, "Are you coming?"

"It's not a Hogsmeade weekend," Harry told him.

"Dumbledore will understand. Come on, break a rule or two," Remus laughed and went off. Harry shook his head and got on his broom and followed him. Harry caught up with him and Remus smiled when he saw him, "Good boy, you are too much like your mother. Its not a Hogsmeade weekend, it doesn't matter."

They flew to the Three Broomsticks and getting off their brooms they went inside. It was mostly empty expect for a few people sitting around the counter talking to the workers and exchanging stories while eating breakfast. Harry had not known they served more than just drinks but he now knew they did. He followed Remus to the back of the room and they took a seat in the corner.

"Snuffles, James and I use to do this all the time," Remus told him as a menu appeared in front of him. "They would bewitch the food in the Great Hall so if you ate it you would turn into different birds and animals, or your tongue would feel like it was on fire and then we would treat ourselves to Three Broomsticks."

"Did you ever get caught?" Harry asked looking at his menu.

"Once they figured out where we went yes," Remus laughed. "They knew it was us, and they knew we weren't in the Great Hall and they searched the place a few times looking for us. Dumbledore came in here once to meet with a spy and what a surprise it was for him to see us. That was two weeks of detention right there."

Harry smiled weakly, as funny as it was it had been awhile since he had really been able to laugh or smile broadly, it just couldn't seem to do it. "The number 1 looks good." He said after a few minutes of silence.

"It is, that's what we always got," Remus smiled at him. Madam Rostema came a few minutes later and they ordered two number 1s. 

They sat in silence for awhile; Remus looked out the window and played with his thumbs wondering if it could work. He wanted to talk to Harry, he wanted to help him but he knew that Harry would probably blow up at him. Getting up his courage he leaned forward on the table, "Harry," Remus stopped and looked around but there was no one close by, "I heard what has been going on and I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Harry looked away quickly.

"Hear me out," Remus protested, as Harry wouldn't look at him. "I'm not sorry because what happened but how it was dealt with."

Harry continued to look away but spoke quietly, "What?"

"Um. You see Harry I understand what you are going through," Remus said even more quietly though no one was around. "When we were 6th years and Snape saw me, it was too close for my comfort. I easily could have caught up with him and bitten if I hadn't been so surprised to see him. I probably would have gotten over my surprise and bitten him if it wasn't for your father. I felt very guilty after that, I was very afraid of putting my friends into danger and I realized how much at risk I was putting them into. What if the transformation had gone wrong, what if they had been expelled because someone found out and if we were even caught. It was about a month or two afterwards that I did it. I jumped through the Astronomy tower."

Harry turned his head and looked right into Remus's eyes.

"Well before I got to the ground safely Dumbledore was there. He wanted explanations but I couldn't seem to give them. He wanted to talk but I couldn't seem to find my voice. It was very confusing and he made me very mad. He was always pressuring me to talk about it. Sirius was not helpful, he would ask me why with pity in his eyes and then of course he thought a joke would help me feel better."

"That is what I feel," Harry said. "Pressuring me and pitying me, I don't want their pity I want their help."

"Answer this for me Harry," Remus thought for a moment before continuing. "If you had a dream, a problem or a question about Voldemort who would you turn to for answers?"

"Dumbledore," Harry said and sighed hoping he wouldn't have to confront him for awhile. 

Their food came at that moment and Remus did not continue until Madam Rostema was gone. He watched her retreating back and then started to eat. He considerate on eating for a few minutes but then asked Harry another question.

  
"If you had a problem with a girl or wanted to play a joke on someone who would you and go see?" Remus asked eating a piece of toast.

"Sirius of course," said Harry

"And if you wanted to talk about something that has been making you confused and afraid would you talk to someone who hasn't been through a similar experience or someone who knows what you are talking about?" Remus asked carefully.

"I'd go to you I guess," Harry nodded knowing where this was going.

"And if you did you would have my full attention and I would not pity you," said Remus.

"Thank you for breakfast Remus," Harry got up, picked up his Firebolt and left.

Remus got up too; he paid the bill and headed back up to school. He was deep in thought about Harry _will he trust me? Will he talk to me? Can I break through that barrier?_


	5. The Quidditch Match

Back at school, Sirius met him in his dog form. He knocked Remus over as he jumped on him.

"Get off," Remus pushed the bear like dog off of him. "What is wrong with you?" 

Sirius ran off and then looked back indicating that he wanted to be followed. He ran up a flight of stairs and waited for Remus to catch up. He stood at the door of a classroom and Remus opened it up when he got there. Remus closed the door, casted a Silencing Charm on the room and turned to his friend who had turned back into himself, "What?"

"I just saw Harry," Sirius told him. "I tried to say Hello but he totally ignored me! He was pretty upset, what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything expect talk to him," Remus sighed thinking how much Harry had not been in the mood to talk to his godfather.

"Are you sure?" Sirius growled much like the dog he had been a few minutes ago.

"I told him about our 6th year and told him I would like to help," Remus explained.

"Why did you tell him about our 6th year?" Sirius exploded.

"Sirius I happen to know more about what he is going through than you! I understand what he is going through!" said Remus.

"Be careful with him Remus," Sirius begged.

"It's you that has to be careful," Remus said to Sirius and opened the door and walked out.

**

That night Harry got out of bed and sat by the window. It was freezing out, he grabbed the blanket and curled up in it and looked out. He could talk about it with Remus, he would understand, he said he would. But just about the Tower thing, he wouldn't understand the other thing, no one did. They tried to but they couldn't. He closed his eyes but opened them quickly, what would he do for one decent night sleep… just one night?

Harry tried to avoid Remus and everyone for the next two weeks. He avoided the Great Hall and the common room at night. He wasn't really sure why he was avoiding Remus but something held him back from wanting to talk to him, he wasn't sure about wanting anyone else to know what he was thinking.

One morning as he tickled the giant squid while everyone was at dinner he heard footsteps behind him.

"James never left me alone for more than two weeks," it was Remus and he walked up next to Harry.

"I don't want to talk to you," Harry said and turned away.

Remus followed him, "See there is the problem, I want to talk to you."

"Good for you," Harry replied.

"What have you been thinking about?" Remus asked.

"I was thinking about how much I would really like to be left alone," Harry responded 

dryly.

"Ah that isn't going to work with me," Remus laughed, "nice try though."

"Will this work?" Harry asked turning around. "Leave me alone!"

"Harry you need to talk," Remus insisted, "I don't like to pressure you but you need to talk."

"No," Harry shook his head and turned back around so his back was to Remus, "I need to be left alone."

"I'm not leaving until we talk," Remus told him very seriously.

"Fine!" Harry whipped around and put on a fake smile, "Life treating you well?"

"I was thinking more about what you are thinking about?"

"Why should I tell you? Do you understand what it is like to be responsible for someone's death?" Harry gasped and looked down surprised about what he had just said.

Remus looked at the boy and sighed, he was only 15 years old he shouldn't have to deal with something like this. He was a child, he should be worrying about Quidditch and classes. "I do know what it feels like."

"Really?" Harry asked dully.

"All Aurors and phoenixes experience it sometime in their career. You get the signal of Dark Activity, you rush off to the site and most of the time there is someone already dead or dying as you rush in. You feel responsible, you think could I have been quicker? Why didn't I save them? That happened to your father, Sirius and myself too many times."

"It's not the same," Harry told him. "You didn't lead them to their death!"

"Harry if you had taken that Cup alone you wouldn't be a Potter," Remus put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "You did what everyone would have expected you to do. You can't blame yourself."

"Screw you," Harry told him, left without another word, and didn't listen as Remus called him back.

**

Harry walked around in a daze for the next week, he didn't care about school anymore and barely did his homework. He usually sat in his dorm sometimes under the Invisibility Cloak and thought and watched the stars and the moon. He thought about Cedric a lot though he wished he could stop. The third task and the summer swirled around in his mind at all times and he couldn't escape either. 

One morning he had gone down to the Great Hall to get a few pieces of toast for breakfast when he saw a Daily Prophet lying around. He had to rub his eyes to see the print clearly, the past few nights he had been awake most of the time. He started to have nightmares again, Voldemort had been very busy and Harry had been seeing all of it. He frown and choked back as he read the article. Without getting any toast and still with the paper in his hand he raced back up to Gryffindor Tower knocking into several people. 

Remus entered Gryffindor Tower later that day and with a nod from Ron, he knew that Harry was alone in the dorm. Remus went up there and looked for the fifth year dorms. He was surprised to look at his own old dorm and see "5th years." Remus knocked gently and waited. No one answered so he went in. He looked around and could see it hadn't changed much. He closed his eyes and could see Sirius and James running around it, tripping over socks, robes and Dungbombs. His own bed was very neat and always made except at night. But now where near the window where they spent so many nights planning their adventures sat Harry who looked out of the window and probably didn't even notice he was there. Remus went over to him and sat down opposite him where he always used to sit when they gathered around the window. 

"Harry," Remus greeted him. 

Harry looked up at him with his green eyes filled with tears. He didn't say anything. His glasses were on the floor next to him. He had a wild, lost look to his eyes and Remus was sure that even if he had his glasses on he didn't know who was in the room with him.

"Harry what's wrong?" Remus asked gently.

Harry didn't say anything. He gave Remus a paper that had been beside him. 

****

"Children Found Dead and Badly Beaten in Alley"

That was all Remus had to read to know what was bothering Harry. He did scan the article though, and the Daily Prophet reported that the bodies of four children were found near Diagon Alley with a number of curse marks on them. The children had bruise marks on them and many cuts that experts said were from the Crucitus Curse. The Ministry still did not believe Voldemort to be back but all of the children on their backs had the Dark Mark burned into them. 

Remus put down the article and spoke to Harry, "Do you want to talk about it?"

There was silence for a few minutes, Remus was sure he wasn't going to speak but Harry opened his mouth and in barely more than a whisper spoke. He was still looking out of the window as he shook his head at the memory, "It was horrible." Harry shook his head again, "He was still mad at me about when the Weasleys picked me up for my 4th year, the twins played a joke on Dudley. My punishment for that was no food for three weeks, that is how long Dudley wouldn't eat for and chores from early in the morning until sunset. It wasn't bad; it kept my mind off things, but no food with a lot of work and staying up all night so I wouldn't dream… I didn't last long. A week at the most, I started to fall asleep and I would dream the same thing every night. Once in a while I would have another dream but it involved Voldemort torturing someone and I would wake up with my scar killing me. He always woke up and would punish me for disturbing his sleep. Each time it got worse… and worse…"

"You don't have to give details Harry," Remus said softly.

"Other than trying to kill me he knew that if he insulted my parents that I would fight back. It didn't work; I had no more fight in me. He told me all about my father, at his wedding, and when he saw him at a dinner party. All he did was insult him, and my mother he made her seem like the devil. I tried not to listen but I know so little about them. When he realized I was going to fight back then, he just kept insulting me, I took it all in and believed every word."

Harry stopped and looked around the dorm but not seeing any of it because he didn't have his glasses on. He spoke again, "Dumbledore wrote him a letter, asking him to be nice to me and that I had gone through a rough time, he explained about Cedric and here my Uncle won. I didn't believe it was my fault but with his taunting and my dreams, I believed him. And I told him shut up and be quiet. That was what he wanted, he wanted me to fight back. He told me I brought it upon myself and I was locked in my room with my windows boarded up for a month, there was a crack in one of the boards and I usually watched the sunrise. Well I watched a light come up. No food and no water. All he gave me was a beating every night for talking back to him."

Remus looked out of the window and tried to keep his emotions down. He didn't want to look at Harry for he knew that Harry was very ashamed right now. He was crying silently again and did not try and stop them.

"I'm 15 and I was getting the shit beaten out of by my uncle," Harry said leaning back against the wall. "If anyone ever found out, anyone outside the school I could only imagine what the headlines would be. The Boy Who Lived can't even defend himself against a Muggle but can survive Voldemort. The hero of the wizarding world beat down by a Muggle. What a hero I am. I tried so hard not to let it show you all would just pity me and look down on me… I didn't want that."

Remus didn't know what to say; he didn't know how he could comfort him. What would James say to him now? How would he comfort him? _Help me James_… he thought desperately. 

"I thought of trying to escape but I didn't have my wand with me," Harry continued, "I didn't have my Cloak and I couldn't leave the pictures of my parents behind. I also didn't have any money. Where would I go? Dumbledore I was sure would send me back, something about protection there and I didn't want to put anyone else in any danger, they are in enough danger by just knowing me."  
  
"I never left so lonely so disgusted with myself. A little kid gets beaten not a 15 year old."

"Harry you have nothing to be ashamed of," Remus heard himself saying, "it wasn't your fault and there was nothing you could have done."

"I wanted help, I wanted someone to come and rescue me, to get me out but I send a letter to Ron early on in the summer and she never came back. I couldn't owl anyone; I was cut off from the world. But I don't think I could have said it, the Weasleys couldn't come and get me, its half their fault all this happened. That's why I hid it from Ron, I know they didn't mean it, they know some of what the Dursleys do and the twins were only playing a joke. They didn't know that he could hold a grudge for so long. Sirius, I couldn't get him into anymore trouble, what if he was seen or caught? I was stuck there, trapped in my room and in my mind. I couldn't think of anything happy, I couldn't remember what it felt like to fly."

"These people," Harry tapped the ground thinking it was the newspaper, "they would understand. They went through the same thing I did, they got beaten up for just being alive and being in the wrong place. It was horrible and I know what they went through."

"Harry you seem to know a lot about what these people went through," Remus told him. He had been listening carefully to Harry, did he see them in a dream? He had been looking very pale recently and Remus had thought that he hadn't been sleeping again.

"I wished that my life had ended like theirs," Harry didn't respond to him. "They got the easy way out… death. I wished for death so many times, and even know I wish for it. Too much, too many memories, too many visions, I just want them to go away and leave me alone!"

He stopped, he still had that faraway look in his face. He laid down on the floor and closed his eyes, "Peace… it's all I want." He spoke still in the same tone. 

Remus got up and lifted him easily; he put him in his bed and took out his wand, "A useful spell Harry." He muttered a few words and he fell asleep. Remus had put a dreamless sleeping charm on him and he wouldn't wake up until he was fully rested. Tonight at least he would escape his dreams. 


	6. Explanations and Discussions

**__**

Hey! Here is the next chapter! I hope you all enjoy it and I thank everyone for reviewing! There will be one more chapter after this, I know short story. Oh well! I am working on a sequel to my Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix although I said I wouldn't. Well you know, ideas come up when you are bored to death in AP US History! So that will be up in a week or two, when I decide to type it! Please R/R! I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters, that honor belongs to J.K. Rowling!

Three weeks had gone by since the Quidditch incident. Dumbledore and Sirius tried to keep Harry off his broom and follow him everywhere he went but Remus stopped this. He told them to trust Harry and just wait to see what would happen. Harry was very grateful for this but hadn't seen Remus since they talked last time.

He had Quidditch practice Thursday night. He released the Snitch and while the others practiced with the Quaffle and helped Dean out Harry flew around catching it and releasing it again. He caught it 6 times during the practice and left very relaxed.

Half way through practice Harry saw Remus come into the stands. He sat down and watched the practice. When Harry called for practice to be over and everyone had left he flew over to where Remus still sat.

"Good evening," Remus smiled at him.

"Hey," Harry replied back sitting down.

"I was hoping if I got you after Quidditch practice you would be relaxed enough to talk," Remus admitted.

Harry looked out at the Pitch. He watched the sunset for a few minutes. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Um, well I was thinking about Cedric Diggory," Remus told him.

Harry closed his eyes, that was the last thing he had wanted to think about. He opened his eyes and looked at the Pitch, _he and Cedric had battled each other here looking for the Snitch. They had come together for minutes to become a team before being swept away._ He didn't want to think about it, let alone talk about it. But then Remus had helped him; he had understood when no one else had. He had not pitied him. "Well for you, because you kept your promise."

"Do you still dream about what happened?"

"Only every night," Harry looked away.

"I learned that if you don't think about it, and you don't blame yourself the dreams do go away," said Remus.

"Cedric… he was so young," Harry looked down again. "He was too young to die." He looked back up and Remus saw a tear going down his face.

"And what about you Harry?" Remus asked. "You are 3 years younger than him. You also are too young, too young to experience what happened."

"Voldemort was after me though not Cedric."

"It's a sad fact that the innocent is always the first to die," Remus shook his head.

"It's not right!" another tear came down slowly. "He shouldn't have died! He had no clue what was going on, it's not right!"

Remus looked at Harry; he didn't deserve to go through this. "It's not right but it happened."

"I see his last moments in my dreams, I hear him blaming me!" Harry whispered, "He's right, it's all my fault."

"Harry no it's not your fault. That voice telling you it is, that's not Cedric that's you dreaming, its you thinking," Remus told him. "When the people came out of the wand what did Cedric say to you?"

Harry wiped his eyes and thought for a moment, "He told me to hold on. And then later to bring his body back to his parents."

"He didn't say I hate you Harry, or you should have taken the Cup alone, or its all your fault?" Remus asked.

"No."

"He said two sentences to you, he gave you comfort and a last request to bring his body back," Remus told him. "He didn't blame you for what happened and neither should you." "I didn't blame myself when the summer started but it made sense to me during the summer that it was my fault," said Harry. "And now here everywhere I look is a reminder of Cedric." 

"Come on, let's get back to the castle," Remus stood up. "It's getting cold."

**

__

"Did anyone tell you the Cup was a Portkey?" Cedric asked him.

"Nope," He looked around the graveyard, "Is this supposed to be part of the Task?"

"I dunno. Wants out you reckon?" Cedric said taking out his own wand.

"Someone's coming." 

His scar exploded in pain, he fell to the ground holding his head as though to try and keep it together.

"Kill the spare!"

"Avada Kedavra!"

Harry jerked away. Even after dreaming about it, so much it still made him sweat. He got up not wanting to go back to sleep. He grabbed a cloak and went down to the common room. He had tried to take Remus's advice and not think of it but it wasn't working too well. He was dreaming of Cedric less but when he did it still made him feel horrible.

Down in the common room he saw someone sitting in a seat by the fire. 

"Even after all this time the Gryffindor fire is the best fire in the castle." It was Remus.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked.

"Couldn't sleep," he admitted, "I'm guessing you are here for the same thing?" Harry nodded. "Same dream?"

"Yes, it's strange, I'm not having the dream as much," Harry told Remus.

"Maybe because you are thinking of other things?" asked Remus.

"Um maybe," Harry thought. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Do you believe that everyone has a purpose in life and it's decided by fate?" Harry asked him.

"I don't live by it but I do believe it," Remus answered truthfully.

"I believe it."

"Why?" asked Remus.

"Since I was 1 years old Voldemort has tried to kill me. Four times, I've faced him against all odds and I'm still living. And three times, I've tried to kill myself and I'm still alive. It seems I'm doomed to face Voldemort again and again until I defeat him or he finally kills me."

"Well one thing is good, the good side always wins," Remus smiled.

"But at what cost?"

"I don't know," Remus answered.

"What a life I have," Harry sighed deeply.

"We will be with you until the end," Remus promised.

"But in the very end it will be just me… me and Voldemort."

"Then I'm sure Sirius will be holding your hand until the last possible second. And so… so will I."

"Every time it's been luck…" Harry looked into the fire.

"No there is something very special about you," Remus argued. "You will get through this."

"I wonder what it is like to live a normal life?" Harry wondered.

"I wouldn't know I was friend's with your father and life was never peaceful," Remus laughed. Harry smiled.

"Its late," Remus yawned. "I'll go to bed if you do."

"Sure," Harry got up. "Sleep well Remus."

"Good night Harry."

**

It had been a week since the two met in the common room and Harry had been thinking about what Remus had said to him. He knew he was right, Remus wouldn't lie to him. He was dreaming even less these days, which pleased him. He was studying with Ron and Hermione one night in the common room when Remus came in. He looked around and when he saw them, he walked over.

"Hey Remus," Ron and Hermione greeted him.

Harry nodded at him and smiled.

"Can I talk to Harry?" Remus asked. "Alone?"

"Sure," they got up and left taking the books they were studying. 

Remus sat down next to Harry who put his books down knowing he wouldn't be studying for awhile.

"I just talked to Fletch." Remus told him.

"Um." Harry didn't seem to care.

"He asked me to talk to you, look you can't hide from that class or dueling," Remus blurted out.

Harry looked up at Remus, "I'm not hiding from it, I just don't enjoy it."

"Fletch is here to help you," Remus told him. "I know you don't want to duel because of what happened at the Third Task but you have to move on."

"I'm trying," argued Harry.

"But everytime you try and move on," Remus leaned forward. "You think of Cedric and lose your nerve. Now we have talked about getting over the dreams but not about facing your past. Cedric is dead, you have to move on."

"He was my friend, I can't just forget him!" 

"Don't forget him, honor him by moving on. Let him be your motivation for living and for fighting. Fight so he does not die in vain!"

"I can't," Harry shook his head. "It should have been me, he shouldn't have been there."

"Remember him but don't fear his death," Remus told him earnestly. "Don't fear the experience, learn from it."

"Easier said than done," Harry looked at him.

"Start slow then," Remus suggested. "Next time Fletch wants you to duel, do it. Remember Cedric, everytime you duel think of him, think you are defending him."

"I failed Cedric."

"No you didn't fail him, there was nothing you could have done. You were up against all odds Harry but the next time the odds will be better, he will be next to you. Don't be afraid of dueling Harry, you can get over all of this."

"I'll try."

"You will do it."

"Because you need me strong?" Harry asked and looked away.

"Because I want you alive and back to your normal self," Remus patted him on the shoulder and got up. "I'll let you go back to your work." He left leaving Harry with a lot to think about.

**

Christmas was coming. Harry of course was going to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays. He and Remus were talking a lot but most of the time they talked about Quidditch and school. It had been about a week since their last serious conversation and Harry knew as he walked down the hall and saw Remus coming the other way that he was due for another talk. He didn't mind because they always made him feel better but never better had he told so much to anyone. It was nerve racking that someone knew all his secrets and fears, no one had ever cared before. 

"Busy?" Remus called as they past.

"Just out for a stroll," Harry responded.

Remus doublebacked and came up next to Harry. "Good. Let's go."

Not asking where Harry kept walking with Remus. They didn't say anything until they got to a door, which Harry recognized as Fletcher's office. He had of course been in here when the previous Defense Against the Dark Art teachers had it. They went in and Harry was not surprised to find it very much like Moody's office, all his Dark Art devices were around the room. Fletcher had pictures on his desk of people he didn't know though one of them was of Remus, Sirius, his parents and Fletcher all waving and smiling. He stared at it for a few minutes forgetting why he was here.

"Nice picture isn't it?" Remus asked.

"I like it," Harry turned back to Remus.

They were silent for awhile; Remus seemed to be waiting for him to speak. Harry walked around the room fully aware of Remus's eyes on him the entire time. He stopped to look at all the different things and picked up a few. He had a question to ask Remus but he wasn't sure he wanted to. He gulped a few times and opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He kept going around trying to figure out how to say it. He had a feeling Remus knew what he was doing for he waited patiently still watching Harry.

Finally he turned to face Remus and blurted out, "Was it wrong?"

Remus smiled glad that he had finally said something. "Of course it was wrong," he answered, "but you just didn't wake up and decide to take your life. You thought about it, you had your reasons and that is good. It's been a confusing time for you and you have been through so much. Truthfully I think everyone else would have given up months ago but you are strong and I think all this will make you stronger."

"I just thought I was doing good," Harry shrugged. "I would never want anything to happen to Sirius or you."

"Why don't you let us worry about you and you worry about Quidditch and school," 

Remus suggested. "Let Sirius and I be the parents."

Harry put down the object he had been looking at, "Will he understand? I mean this all new. No one has every worried about me, I guess I'm not used to people caring."

"I think he will understand in time," Remus nodded, "you know you two are good for each other. You don't know what it is like for someone to care for you and Sirius doesn't know what it is like to have responsibility for someone else. In time, I think you two will help each other in more ways than you could think of. It's amazing though you two have been through so much, so many horrible events that I can't even start to fathom how you two can even be sane."

"Will Sirius ever be free?"

"We are working on it Harry," Remus sighed. "He's been looking for Peter a lot though these days he's been moping around in canine form waiting for you to talk to him."

"He'll kill them," Harry groaned.

"That's why I am going to be there when you tell him," Remus laughed. "Sirius 14 years ago wouldn't understand and would automatically kill them but this Sirius might stay around for at least a minute to make sure you are okay. Have you ever thought that Sirius might understand more than he lets on? About the suicide, I think he would understand that. I think he tried it a few times in Azkaban, I've never asked though."

"Does he talk about Azkaban much?" Harry asked.

"No, he dreams of it often though, I've heard him," Remus thought. "That's why he usually sleeps as a dog. I can't imagine the things he dreams about, probably Halloween night but even before that he went through rough times."

"I guess I never thought about it before but Sirius and I do have some things in common, we have both been trapped inside our minds while in hell," Harry said.

Remus nodded, "I think he would understand what you went through though he would still want to kill him."

"He just didn't seem to understand when I was in the hospital wing," said Harry.

"Well, he was a bit shocked you could say," Remus shrugged. "I talked to about a week ago the problem was he saw you were in pain and he can't stand that. He loves you Harry."

"I'm scared to talk to him though," Harry said slowly.

"Then listen and let Sirius do the talking," Remus came over and patted him on the shoulder.

"When?"

"I don't know yet," Remus shrugged again. "He's away right now so maybe when he gets back. Why don't you go back to Gryffindor Tower, I'm sure you have homework to do."  
  
Harry nodded and went to the door, "Thanks Remus." He turned back to his former Professor.

"Anytime." Remus nodded at him.


	7. Christmas and The Talk

**__**

This is it! The last chapter! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, you have no idea how much it means to me! I have responded to some of the reviews at the bottom, just a few comments. Note to all, no sequel this is it! No more for this story! I will be starting another story very soon I have to start to type it first… I'm lazy! But most of it is written yeah! So please R/R this story, and look for my new one soon! I don't own Harry Potter, J. K. Rowling does! Thank you all!

The days leading up to Christmas were good. The Gryffindors had a big snowball fight the Saturday before term ended and Remus and some of the Professors played. Harry got Remus a few times and then with the 5th year boys they rushed at the fort the other team had put up. He slammed right into Remus and both went down laughing. Sirius was there and he barked loudly as though laughing when they hit the ground. He ran over and helped to destroy the fort. He jumped on a few students playfully and was loved by everyone. 

They also went to Hogsmeade where Harry bought presents for everyone. He spent most of the day trying to figure out what to do get Remus. He searched every shop and came up with a few books and some tricks. He got Ron and Hermione some boxes of candy. Remus and Sirius were staying at Hogwarts for Christmas and Harry was glad Remus was around. They spent nights in the Gryffindor Tower playing chess, Remus always helped Harry play against Ron and with his help, and he managed to beat Ron. Ron then challenged to Remus to a game and they played long, tiring game. Remus was an excellent chess player. 

**

It was Christmas morning. Ron as usual woke Harry up long before he was ready to be awake. By the time Harry had finally gotten up Ron was deep in his pile and had already unwrapped his Weasley sweater and sweets from his mom. Harry crawled to the edge of his bed and looked at his presents. He saw his sweater from Mrs. Weasley and unwrapped this first to find a green sweater with a Gryffindor lion on it. He then opened a pie and some fudge from Mrs. Weasley. 

When the two had finished opening their gifts and exchanged them they went into the common room to find the twins waiting for them. They both had on their sweaters and were pretending to weep over their last Christmas at Hogwarts. The four of them went down to the Great Hall to eat with Fred and George hanging on to Ron and Harry still weeping.

As mad as he was at Sirius, he couldn't help laugh as during the meal he went to every student and teacher excluding Snape and Malfoy begging for food. Remus of course had put a plate down on the ground for him but he had engulfed that in about 5 minutes. Presently he was at Professor Sprout who seemed to be a very big lover of dogs.

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius and exclaimed, "He will never leave you alone now." He watched as Sprout gave Sirius some more meat and he licked her hands in appreciation.

"Oh he is the cutest dog I have ever seen," she scratched behind Snuffle's ears making Remus roll his eyes again. Snuffles grinned as best he could as a dog to Remus and turned back to Sprout.

"Disgusting mutt," Snape growled. He sat a few seats away from Sprout.

"Oh Severus you are being unkind to poor cute Snuffles," Sprout gave him more food causing both Snape and Remus to roll their eyes.

"Go bother someone else Snuffles," Remus ordered. Snuffles though gave Remus a nasty look and put his head on Sprout's lap.

When the meal was over Harry and Ron got up to leave. They had planned to go back to the common room and have a nice quiet game of chess but Remus hurried over to them.

"Can I speak to you?" He asked.

Ron told Harry he would meet him up in the common room and left. 

"I was wondering if we could go on a little walk?" Remus asked.

"Sure!" Harry shrugged. 

"Come on Snuffles," Remus called and Snuffles came out of the Great Hall. 

With a look at Remus, Harry followed the two outside. Remus took out his wand and performed a Heating Charm on all three of them. They walked down the stairs and Remus motioned them to get in the carriage that was waiting for them. Thinking they were going into Hogsmeade he got in and sat next to Remus leaving the other side for Sirius. Sirius stayed a dog and put his head between his paws in a comfortable dog position.

They didn't talk as the went to Hogsmeade. Remus looked out the window and hummed as Harry kept his glaze down knowing that he eyes of his godfather were on him. In Hogsmeade, they got up and inside of going into any of the stores they walked towards the mountains with Sirius in the lead. 

They started to go up the path leading to the mountains, Sirius ran ahead and Remus and Harry tried to follow. Harry didn't ask any questions on where they were going. They kept climbing, Harry figured they were going into the cave that Sirius had hid in during Harry's 4th year but they didn't. They went right past it and kept climbing. 

They climbed for about an hour. Harry was getting tired and he knew that Remus was tired too. Finally Remus took a turn and stopped. Harry came up beside him and looked around. Although it was snowing, there was flowers and green grass. It looked very much out of place.

"Er, what is this?"

"This is James' work," Remus looked down at him. "When he started going out with Lily he brought her up here and fixed it up a little bit you could say. The flowers and grass will never go away unless the spell is taken off and through a few tricky spells the grass is always neat and the flowers beautiful."

"Your mother loved flowers so James did this for her. They would come up here all the time, usually on James's broom and sit here and talk for hours," Sirius took out. "He proposed to her here, about a year after we graduated."

"So what are we doing here?" Harry looked around. They were high up, the snow was falling all around him but not piece hurt the grass or landed on the flowers.

"Well, I was hoping you would talk to your godfather," said Remus.

"No!" Harry had had his back to Remus looking at all the flowers but now he whipped around.

"Harry," Sirius approached him, "please hear me out. I… Remus and I talked and I think I know why you are mad at me."

"You are wrong, you don't know!" Harry snapped at him.

"Harry I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything," Sirius begged. "I'm not experienced in this sort of thing. Remus explained it all to me, well what he thought I was doing wrong. I never meant to look at you with pity as Remus says but I just can't stand to see you in pain. Everytime you are hurt I feel like I have failed you again. All I've ever done is failed you, and I don't want to lose you. You and Remus are all I have left. I would never do anything to harm you, or do anything I thought would harm you, you mean so much to me."

Harry listened and looked at Sirius, "I don't want you die because of me."

"Harry, I can look after myself, and I'm the one who is supposed to be worried about that kind of stuff not you. Anyway, Voldemort wants me dead, he's always wanted me dead and knowing you doesn't change that. If Voldemort only wanted me for you, it wouldn't matter I would take that risk because I love you and you are my godson."

"You won't understand," Harry said and then his voice dropped, "I don't want you to be angry with me."  


"I know I have a bit of a temper but I'm at myself most of time because if something happens to me, I'm stuck in as a dog unable to help you. I want to be there to help you," Sirius told him. "I think I do understand. Remus said he mentioned a few things that maybe I did during Azkaban and he's right. Harry we both did for different reasons but the goal was the same. I understand more than you think."

Harry looked at him, he bit his lip, "and I don't want to get you into anymore trouble."

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius.

"You didn't tell him?" Harry looked at Remus.

"That is for you to tell him," Remus said seriously.

Harry looked back at his godfather scared. "I… I er… well."

Remus looked at Sirius, he knew his friend was dying to know what Harry was trying to say. His brow wrinkled and he stared at his godson. _Harry better get this one out_, Remus thought still watching his friend.

"He… did it," Harry blurted out and looked away scared.

"Did what?" Sirius asked clearly not knowing who he was.

"He… him," Harry struggled. "Vernon." He whispered.

Sirius's expression changed from confusion to understanding very slowly. He seemed to be thinking and then his eyes open wide and Remus knew he got what Harry was saying. He looked down at the ground and took a deep breath. 

"And you didn't tell me because you thought I would be angry with you?" Sirius asked.

"I don't want you to go back to Azkaban for really killing someone," Harry whispered.

Sirius put a hand to his mouth thinking. He didn't take his eyes off Harry. He shook his head, "I'm sorry you feel like you couldn't tell me that."

"I didn't tell anyone," said Harry.

"But I should be the one you feel confident to tell anything to, I'm your godfather," Sirius sighed deeply. "I'm sorry. I keep failing you."

"No it is me you fails you," Harry shook his head.

Sirius's mouth opened wide at his godson's comment, "How can you ever say that? I'm the one who deserted you. Where was I when you needed me? In Azkaban! And since I got out where have I been… hiding! I should have been with you, you should been living with me during the summers. You should be having the childhood you never had but because I'm stupid and I don't think first you have to go to hell every summer. Well never again! I don't care what Dumbledore says, you are coming with me this summer, we'll go back to the Black Mansion, I'll take you to a shack if I have to, you aren't going back there!"

Harry and Sirius looked at each other their eyes did not leave other. Remus looked between the two hoping that someone was going to make the first move. He nodded at Sirius and made a face at him to get a move on. Sirius looked at him and opened his arms for Harry. 

Harry looked at Remus who nodded to him. He looked back at Sirius and for a full minute, he stood there never taking his eyes off of Sirius. Then with one sudden movement he threw himself in his godfather's open arms and cried.

Sirius let him cry for awhile. He then lifted Harry's head and whispered, "Can I let you in on a little secret. When I was in Azkaban, I always thought of you. I thought what you might be doing, how your day was, and how you were doing in school. I pictured in my mind what you looked like and how you acted. You kept me going Harry. When I saw Peter in the newspaper I thought you were in danger and I wanted to protect you, I knew I had to. That is what gave me the strength to escape."

"How can you stand me? I let Peter get away?" cried Harry.

"You were right though," Sirius shook his head, "James would have kicked me if I killed Peter. You know sometimes I feel he is with me and when I mess up, he kicks me like he used to. He's making sure I help you grow up. You were doing what James would have done and that is quite an accomplishment. He was a great man and you are turning out so much like him."

"If I let you kill Peter though Voldemort wouldn't be alive today," Harry protested.

"Voldemort would have come back anyway somehow, its not your fault," Sirius told him. 

"You carry so much on your shoulders, I want to be there and help you carry some of it. 

Harry nodded and put his head against Sirius's chest. He sniffed a few times but did not remove it. Sirius looked up at Remus who nodded. 

  
Finally he sniffed and lifted his head from Sirius' shoulder. The spot was very wet but Sirius didn't mind. He looked between Sirius and Remus. "I've been an idiot haven't I?" He asked quietly.

"No Harry," Sirius said, "it's been a confusing time for you. It's alright now though."

"I suppose you want to know everything?" asked Harry.

"Only if you feel like it," said Sirius.

Harry sighed and took a deep breath. He felt much better after talking and being in his godfather's arms. He looked at Remus and then at Sirius. "I guess we better go back to the castle, I'm sure Dumbledore would like to hear this and I don't want to tell it twice."

"Let's go," Sirius put his arm around Harry's shoulder and smiled at Remus. They left.

**

Later that night since the common room was empty, Sirius, Remus, Harry and Ron sat around the fire talking. Harry sighed in relief, he knew things would never be normal again, he had these memories and thoughts that would never go away. But as he sat around the fire, hearing stories about his father and mother he knew things would be fine. He was lucky, he thought, he had a wonderful godfather, a good friend and two unreplaceable friends Ron and Hermione. He smiled and looked into the fire, life was indeed good.

The End!

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myself- lol as you can see it didn't turn out Harry/Remus. I don't do slash… ick! 

**candledot**- lol! I wouldn't make Harry gay, of course Snape has to be cruel to him, its so much fun to write when he's cruel! If I let Harry finish it then there goes my story… I could do one and have Sirius have a major guilt trip but no fun!

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Japangirlcmw- Thank you sooo much for the wonderful review!

purple water –Thanks for the review! Gotta love Remus, I haven't read a story where Remus is the one who talks to him yet so I had to do it and cause he's a great guy!

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catspook – I had to give Dumbledore a big part, I love him! He's my hero! Though he's an ass in this story!

Lady FoxFire –thanks soo much! I love your stuff too, its awesome!

**hallow SHADOWS** –thanks for the great review!

**Nicky** –well Snape might have orders from Dumbledore to leave Harry alone but having him nasty and insulting his family is fun to write! No fun if Snape can't taunt Harry!

Thanks to everyone else who reviews!!!!! I love you all!


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